The word ‘happy’ is overrated! It has been used way too many times than it has been meant! Call me a ‘negative Nancy’, but a more practical form of adjective would be helpful, especially when the new year is not the ‘happy’ that everyone wished me for. Of course, not people’s fault if the first nine days of 2023 hasn’t been the ideal new year days! What is an ideal start to a new year anyway? Being with family, have dinners together, go for joy rides on weekends with them, if you are working then having them at home when you come back after a long day or a long night, if you fall sick then they are there to make you some hot porridge, or rub hot oil on your hair and feet. So, if you think absence of all the above things make for a miserable new year’s week, then you get me!
Last year, this time, I was practically jobless! I had all the time in the world, I had my family around, I went for long drives with them, we had dinners outside, and picnics by the water. It was an absolute perfect start of the year 2022, except for the fact that I was desperate to get back into making money! This year the tables have turned completely! The only thing I have is my hollow, over glamorized job! I am back to the toxic corporate work environment which I fantasized leaving around two years ago! Guess human beings are greedy, and the grass always looks greener on the other side!
To tell you all the truth, I have been sick this past couple of days, and turns out sickness makes you really depressed, especially if you are all alone while being sick! Negative energies swirl around you and in your head, and it takes double the amount of push from the mind to make an effort to get better, to feel better! After about four days of antibiotics, vapour rub, and take out soups, my dopamine levels have finally come back to its original strength, and are still working hard to multiply themselves!
Also, I have realised, being depressed made me a mean person! Every small inconvenience made me lose my shit, and I had small breakdowns with my loved ones, which in retrospect was mean of me!
The whole purpose of me writing this monologue was to share a tiny piece of my personal life with you, with the hope that it might be a bit relatable to you! And also, I guess, to make peace with the fact that its okay if the new year did not start happy, like I expected it to be. I got a long year ahead, and I am sure there are pockets of happiness spread throughout the year which will easily compensate for the crappy days! Yin and Yang!
